6a: No Forgive and Forget

Our next Mishna on this amud lists women who are not allowed to eat Teruma either because they admit to being guilty or they have not drunk the Sota water. The first three situations are straight-forward -- a woman who admits it, a woman who has two witnesses who testify to her alleged cheating, and a woman who refuses to drink. The fourth situation, however, is curious. It presents a case where the husband does not want his wife to drink the Sota water. In that case, too, the woman is considered guilty. If this whole ritual is about clearing the wife's name, I can understand, in its context, the assumed guilt of the woman who refuses not to drink herself. But it would seem that if a husband does not want his wife to drink the Sota water, it is because either he believes her, he accepts her infidelity, or he just doesn't want her to go through this ritual. However, the Mishna does not leave this decision to the husband, and seems to view his taking his wife to drink as a mitzvat a'say - given the situation. Therefore, if she can't prove her innocence by drinking the Sota water, then she remains in a state of limbo between innocence and guilt -- though more that she is guilty until proven innocent.

This seems to reflect a general difference in attitude between the Talmud's perspective and our own. There is not individual choice here. It is not left up to the family to decide what is best for them, rather they must submit to the will of the community if they do not want to live in limbo. Though this grates on our emphasis on personal freedom, it sets a community standard against infidelity. In our culture, where infidelity is almost glorified in movies and TV, I wouldn't say that it is encouraged, but it certainly does not have the negative stigma that it once had. Certainly a modern Sota ritual is not the answer for so many reasons, but something that reflects a community distaste for such behavior wouldn't be the worst thing.